There was a time, not so long ago, when I thought I had to be in a relationship to experience happiness, joy, and fulfillment. Have you ever felt this way? That was sometime between the time I first found myself single once more -- and today. If I were to attribute this state of mind to anything, it would mostly be due to me choosing to listen to others, and not being true to myself at the time. My true feelings are that, when the time is right it will just happen. There is no need to contrive ways to "get into a relationship" with someone. The fact that I am not in a well-defined relationship with one particular man right now has no direct bearing on my feeling good about myself, nor my experiencing happiness, joy, and fulfillment. In keeping true to myself, I believe that the reason I am not in a significant relationship yet is because either one, or both of us still need to experience some significant life lessons. When we grow in the knowledge we require, we will be ready to sustain a lasting relationship. There comes a time when you learn that you do not need all the answers in advance to be at peace. Wow, did you hear that one God? Did I really say that?
I am quickly learning, that it is how we handle ourselves in the given situation, when it occurs, that determines our success along our journey. Attempting to overcome a situation by forcing a resolution, goes against the flow of life and only serves to muddy up the waters. Allowing God and the Universe to direct the course allows for far greater experiences to occur than I could ever conceive alone.
The ego tends to lead us down many wrong paths, in an attempt to distract and prevent us from being in the frame of mind that provides a natural flow of true unconditional love. One path I was led down took the appearance of convincing me that I needed someone's friendship when in fact it was only my ego, longing for attention. When I experienced rejection from the individual, I blindly kept advancing, only to receive more of the same. Love and insanity do go hand-in-hand sometimes, don't they! My ego had me thinking that if only I could "win him over" everything would be great. Well now, the reality is that the man just didn't need me to be complete, and now I know I don't need him to be complete either. My ego may have this "need" but not me. This reality has no bitterness attached to it, but instead, it brings with it a great amount of freedom.
Each day, it becomes easier to put my ego back in its place when it makes its grand attempts to take center stage from my Spirit. It is taking less and less time to recapture my self and come back to the balance that brings me the inner peace I sought for so long. The ego can only serve to rob me of those better moments in life. Those moments when I possess unselfishness, unconditional love, and forgiveness for all, my self included. That same ego thrives on establishing fear in my thoughts. Fear that would tend to drive me to making choices I would not even consider when in my right-mindedness.
Now let me tell of the pleasure I have found within myself. I can spend an entire day or weekend with myself and enjoy what unfolds with unbridled happiness. I don't have the need to convince myself that I am having fun, because I am indeed having fun. The time flies by all too fast and yet leaves me with a wonderfully fulfilled exhaustion. I am finding delight in these moments spent alone. Moments spent reading, writing, sketching, floral design," listening to music, watching nature unfolding its beauty to me alone, or sitting ever so quietly and meditating, or even going places with my self.
This time is not just "filler" time until something better comes along. I choose to be with myself. To be able to appreciate the moments of solitude and not look upon them as a prison has revealed a whole new range of possibilities to me. To know that I choose to be alone brings with it its own rewards to savor. I no longer will be doomed to be at the effect of situations and circumstances that might provide only some temporary pleasures for me, then leave me with an empty feeling when alone once more. I have shifted to be at the cause; the cause of my own happiness, joy, and fulfillment. One more thing I truly believe. All paths do lead to the same place, and we are all doing what we should be doing even when we are wondering if we should or should not be doing it. This relationship with my self can't help but serve to set a good foundation for any new relationships that follow. Thank you to all who have contributed to my evolution along this path, either by being proactive or passive in your nature.
