While having lunch one day, she announced, out of nowhere, that she had a friend she was seeing now on a regular basis. This was the first clue that things were changing, but I chose to overlook it. She hadn't mentioned him before -- why? Why had she felt the need to be so secretive? Oh well, I didn't need to know everything that was going on in her life to be her friend. It's possible that I was being too sensitive and a bit hurt that she hadn't mentioned it earlier in their relationship. "Get off of it," I told myself, then went on about life.
Scheduling time together was, as well, becoming more difficult lately. When we did meet, I felt as if she was distancing herself from me even more. It was as if there was something she wasn't saying that begged to be said to set her spirit free again. I felt a sadness in our friendship now where happiness once roamed freely. Andrea began turning down invitations, not only from me, but other friends as well. The excuses were valid and good, as we all can make when necessary but, nonetheless, they were still excuses. When we did get together, her unbridled laughter was no longer present, and in it's place was a reserved individual who kept herself in a false balance, and at a distance. This was truly not the Andrea I had come to know and love. Could I make whatever adjustments were necessary for our friendship to survive this turn of events? I was determined to work hard, no matter what I needed to do. Maybe I needed to listen more. But she wasn't speaking -- not with her voice at least.
Months have now passed, yet I find myself still persevering for what I know in my heart is a friendship that's worth it. Unfortunately, we see each other even less now than before. Andrea and Pete moved in together. When we talk, I ask her how she's doing, but only get short methodical answers. All those wonder-filled feelings have gone from her conversation and I find myself so very perplexed. She no longer goes out with the girls anymore. Don't get me wrong. I know when two individuals become a couple they are going to spend more time together. I have other friends currently in healthy relationships, displaying the true nurturing that relationships can provide. The effect this is having on Andrea isn't one that demonstrates unleashed happiness though. I don't believe a relationship with your significant other should leave you drained, but instead, refreshed and alive. And I don't believe that one should feel the need to be "glued" to the other to prove their love and devotion exists.
Don't get the wrong idea. Pete is a great guy. I'm not saying Andrea is too good for Pete or deserves better when I say she is settling for less. What I see, is here settling in this way -- he just doesn't "knock her socks off!" You know what I mean? She doesn't seem to loose her train of thought or composure when he walks in the room. It looks like a non-event. No smile overtakes her emotionless facial expression. And if that's the way it is now, what will it be like in years to come?
Is Andrea making repeated attempts to profess a love when little or none exists? Has she settled for a relationship that brings with it alone companionship and the look of security? Where's the love and passion? If I could just see some happiness in her eyes that once did shine, but now they only reflect shallow shadows back to mine. What could transpire, if anything, to have her question that she might be settling for companionship and security in lieu of a greater experience -- love? Am I the fool to hold out for what might be? I pray I don't settle for less, for that would truly be a greater loss and one that I would not care to experience. I must believe it's better to have faith and keep the dream alive than to settle. I wish I had the key to set her free, but in all my searching I haven't found it yet. I feel it's not my place to confront the issue since it would seem to be by choice that she is living her life. I hope, in her heart of hearts, she understands that what I wish most for her is to see her truly experiencing happiness again with all the freedom she once possessed in the past.
Footnote: After writing this, the responses I have received thus far have surprised me greatly. Several individuals, after reading this, have asked the same question -- had I written this about them! I guess more people settle than I thought possible. Sad to think of the possibilities they might be missing, or the great love they could have had, had they only not settled for what was immediately in sight and sold themselves short. I cannot accept less than what I feel in my heart is possible and right for me. If God didn't want me to have a greater experience, a great love, He wouldn't be giving me the thoughts, and I wouldn't be driven by a desire for this great love I know is destined for me yet. I think I'll hold out a little longer (maybe five more minutes!), and trust in God, and know that when the time is right and we are both ready there will be a greater love yet to experience ahead, just around the corner.
*********************************************************************************
From: Kim.Wuller.Parrish
To: possibility@thefreesite.com
Subject: Settling
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003
Michele: You and I have talked of this often. I too want to take Andrea and give her a gentle shake and say "snap out of it girl", but then, I guess I could find myself in the same boat. I hope not.
Kim Wuller Parrish
From: michele long [possibility@thefreesite.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 26, 2003
To: Wuller Parrish, Kim
Subject: Re: Settling
Thanks.
Do you want me to add your comments to the site: if not these, then maybe some others to share?
Michele
Sure, you can add mine. This is a kind of "life learning" site isn't it?
Kim Wuller Parrish
*********************************************************************************
