A Person in Trouble

My father had a saying, as all dads do, that the first step to solving a problem is to acknowledge there is one. I know this man who would by definition be a thief. It took me some time to discover this for myself. My vision was blind with trust and I didn’t want to see it when it finally surfaced. Before we met, he so cleverly stole that he could go undiscovered. He confessed later that he had been practicing this deception since early childhood. It would appear that when he would work his cons, especially as a child, in his own mind he knew he was doing it. But the mind, being a world of strength in itself, rearranged the tale and configured a different story. By repeating the revised story over and over, he himself in fact now believed the story to be truth. He no longer saw himself as a con. Worst of all, he convinced himself that everyone else was wrong and had wronged him.


It wasn’t until I caught him and confronted him that he began to recognize the disgust and horror of it all, along with the dishonor he had done not only to others but also himself. At first he tried to convince me that he indeed was not a con. I persisted, and repeated back to him the facts as they happened. I guess it was my persistence in repainting the actual picture that finally broke through to his subconscious. Have you ever seen that look on someone’s face when you know that they are lying but can’t stop themselves? He was so convinced that he was indeed telling the truth. He was vigilant, cavalier and would have staked his life on his innocence. And I, in all my stubbornness, wasn’t going to budge an inch on this one. No sir, I had him and I wasn’t letting go. If I hadn’t cared for him, I might have had him arrested and written him off as a total loss. It wasn’t going to accomplish anything at this point to have him arrested though. I was determined that if nothing else was to be gained from this experience, there was going to be a revelation. We each stood our ground. Both were getting more emotional as some very harsh words were exchanged and electricity filled the room. Then it happened. I can’t remember what it was I said. He froze as if a bolt of lighting had struck him. I stopped shouting and stood waiting for him to make a move. The only movement was the tears now emerging from his eyes and slowly flowing down his cheeks. This was a new experience for me, for he had not cried in front of me before. The image of him as a strong man wouldn’t allow such actions. But strength has many appearances.


That’s when the affirmation, “you’re right,” came whispering from behind his teeth. We both stood there as silence now engulfed the room. We stood there fixed, his eyes on mine. My intuition was telling me that those had to be the most fatiguing words he ever had to say. It was at that point that I reached out to him in an effort to give some small comfort to what I could only guess was the most difficult time ever in this man’s life. I finally broke through to him as he finally broke out to a freedom he hadn’t before known existed. We exhaustibly made our way to the sofa and sat down. We were in need of a rest and now the tension was beginning to dissipate from the room.


He’s addressing his problem now, and I might be safe in saying that it’s going to take a very long time to develop the muscles needed for looking at the world honesty. A friend asked me today if I thought we would get back together at a later date. I quickly replied “no.” I explained that I could be his friend and forgive him, but I didn’t think I would ever be willing to put myself in that position with him again. Some things you shouldn’t allow yourself to forget, unless of course you want the Universe to bring it back in your face as another lesson of something you should have learned the first time around. Probably one of the reasons I haven't let myself discuss this with anyone before now is because it was so painful and I didn't want to dwell on it, since it still saddens me so. Somewhere down the road, when it fades into but a memory and all the hurt is gone, I might be willing to engage in conversation about it, but not now, and I won’t reveal who it is. But for now, I've said all that needs to be said on the subject.

It’s been some time now and there has been another man in my life who too is a con; only he can’t come to grips with the truth. He had even once described himself as a gigolo. You win some… you loose some. I’ll keep alive the hope that he will read this and a desire will awaken within him to be free of his past as well and begin anew, but I will keep my distance now.