It’s Shabbat and sundown will come shortly so I have begun lighting my candles. Although it is customary to have two lights, I use my menorah. I remember last year when I first got my little menorah (special eight-branched candelabra usually used during the holy day of Hannukah). It’s small and made to look like a little tree. It’s somewhat slanted, not by design but by human error. Each Friday night when I light the candles, I have a hard time at first keeping them upright. I screw them down in the holders as best I can, but they begin to fall even before I get them lit. I laugh a little to think that my tree is a Jewish Charlie Brown Tree! Then, when all are upright again, I light them, one at a time with the separate candle. There were Friday nights that I would forget what time it was and not remember until after sundown. Now… now it’s something I look forward to and schedule time in my mind.
The candles themselves are of shades of blue, starting with dark blue at the bottom and gradually getting lighter until you get to the top where they are white. I stand the menorah in a little, shallow antique clear glass dish trimmed in gold. I slowly and reverently close my eyes and use my hands to block the candles from view while saying the blessings for lighting the candle, and then sit back to watch. My Shabbat ususally begins with the home service in the evening on Friday night, then on Saturday morning I go to Torah Study at 8:45 a.m. Next comes services, followed by an Oneg (a social time when we gather and share a snack of fine foods). If there are other activities going on in the Synagogue during the day I stay to socialize and learn with my community; if not, I spend Shabbat observing the thought of what it would mean were the world redeemed; complete, safe, perfect right now. It is a time to enjoy what I have right now and refresh myself for another week. It's the day that gives me time to rejuvenate, reflect and enjoy the company of friends and family. Sometimes I go to services on Friday night, but mostly on Saturdays. On Saturday evening, Shabbat closes with the Havdalah Service. We begin to separate ourselves from Shabbat by lighting the way into a new week with the braided candle, we have a short service and another little Oneg. Each Havdalah Service is special and unique unto itself and to the individual as each Shabbat is as well. There are many treasures to be found in Shabbat, as I am learning, and I would like to share this treasure of this evening with you.
I’m sitting here watching the flames glow, and as I watch, the flames flicker in the breeze then straighten upright once more. I am reminded of the past week and the things that I need to let go of as well as the things I need to remember. Those things I need to let go of are my shortcomings. I need to forgive myself and let them go. The things I need to remember, well they are greater. That’s not to say that I don’t have a lot of shortcomings, just lucky for me, more to remember. They are the moments spent with friends. They are the gifts of love I gave this week -- some known, some unknown.
I just finished reupholstering a rocker and some pillows for my friend Marilyn. It’s been some years since I’ve done reupholstering, but when she asked I said yes without hesitation. I though I did ok for a non-professional; yet I don’t remember it being that hard when I was younger. My hands were swifter and more agile then. My eyesight was a little keener. The hardest part of sewing the pillows, even though all three were different shapes and sizes, was threading the needle! In some time past, when I was carving, a jeweler friend gave me a magnifying hood that goes on your head and then you look through it like glasses. It has proven to be quite handy for a lot of my artistic talents in that it keeps my hands free while I work. Now was a chance to use it once more. Once I had the hood on, I found the eye of the needle quite quickly. As I sat quietly in the chair, closing the last section of the pillow with a blind stitch, I caught myself asking God if I still remember how to sew a blind stitch! (Now, I know originally blind-stitch meant you didn't see it, but as one grows older maybe blind-stitch could also mean you make bigger stitches and everyone pretends they don't see them! I hope so!) Then He guided my hands and I laughed as I sewed. While I was laughing, the pillow began to slip, right off my lap and onto the floor. I laughed again as I held on to the pillow with the attached needle and thread that I was using to sew it shut! Yes, as I recall, it was simpler years ago. Yes, age is reminding me that it is changing how I see things and how I react at the same time! I accept that my steps and movements are slowing down. I’ll accept it gracefully, because I know it’s time now. I won’t give in prematurely, and I’ll persevere to do my best and accept this part of growing older and take my time with my labors of love.
As the candles continue to flicker and crackle I become focused again and realize that they are diminishing all too swiftly. It doesn’t seem to have been as long time this time. It has happened all too quickly as things have a tendency of doing when we are enjoying the time.
It’s odd but it is also symbolically reminding me that my time is diminishing as well and I must enjoy it while I can. God gives me a lot of precious moments; some I share with others, some I share with Him alone. As the Shabbat is beginning, I am reminded once more how truly blessed I am to be experiencing life, if only for a short time. One candle is so far down now that all I can see is the flame resting in its separate holder. It’s hard to see what keeps it glowing – but then I know it’s God!
I remember at the beginning of this week, we were in a group discussion and one woman remarked how she was upset with herself at how she wasn’t doing everything right. Well that just reminded me of how I felt exactly like that a year ago when I was trying to get it all right now, and right. It will come in time and God understands. You want to do it all right -- right now. You don’t want to do it right for everyone else; you want to do it right for God.
Now the first flame has gone out, and a thin air of white smoke trickles up to God. The remaining candles are at different levels. Each has used up the energy around it by it’s own degree. It would also be symbolic of us humans. We all start out at one day and each uses the Universe’s energy as it goes through life. Some use it faster, some slower. Some spend it quickly and leave earlier than we expect. Others pace themselves and live to tell the stories. Each is without equal.
Two more flames have snuffed out now and one is getting close to the end, just a little flame rests in the bottom of the holder. Of the ones remaining, they make a new presence, as they stand alone together. The air has slowed down and the flames have straightened upright once more to a peaceful glow – very little movement. Now time has slowed as well. They appear to be burning longer and slower. It’s as if the Chi (energy) in the room has slowed to a meditative state, knowing there is not much time left for the flames. I guess that’s what Shabbat is meant to do for me – slow me down. Well the candle’s flames do their job quite well.
The sun has gone down while I have been watching my candles burn, and although there are only the three left, they burn extra bright in the darkened room. Their flames are flickering and reflecting off the walls now as the room begins to change its Chi once more. But, at last it’s just begun. Of the three remaining, the first to flicker and crackle and slowly fade has taken its leave. Now only two remain. I watch them as one would watch old friends you were saying good-bye to for the last time. Their light is just about out, never to glow again. I’ll sit here a little longer and keep watch with them and enjoy their glow and warmth while I can.
So now... this is what I ask you to bless me with God. I desire another old flame to share the remainder of my energy with for as long as our light is lit. I want to glow with someone and share that glow and make the world just a little brighter for a little while longer. That’s my Shabbat prayer.
A trickle of white smoke rises up as the next flame goes out. Now only one remains. Slowly I watch and remember Saturday evening campfires in our back yard when we would loose ourselves in those flames as well. Our troubles would melt as we sat and talked to one another. Odd to think of it now but those were "Saturday Nights"! So even then I was beginning to observe Shabbat! God does work in mysterious ways! It’s down to one flame alone. I don’t know what’s keeping it lit. But it continues to glow ever so softly, as it gets smaller and smaller. The room is getting darker now and the greatest light remains around this one little flame. But it continues to glow and it’s beautiful, small but beautiful -- and bright. Now comes the sad moment as it slowly dies and finally fades away. The room is dark now yet my Shabbat is well aglow. Isn’t it astounding how I breathed in the energy of those bright, warm flames as I sat here meditating! I sit here, peacefully, feeling a warm glow from within me. This warmth is unique, satisfying, refreshing, rejuvenating and inspiring! It’s God’s warmth! Shabbat Shalom!
Hey Jas! I took this picture an hour ago with my cell phone!