I am writing to you because your cousin Gina has reminded me that it is time. Also, I don’t know if you were ever given medical information pertaining to your mother that could be important to you. As you are probably aware, your birth mother is Martha Maria Theresa Messina. And you probably already know your grandfather was Enrico J. Messina. Those would be names on you would find on your birth certificate. You were given to Catholic Services for Children and Youth and placed in a foster home, pending adoption.
First, you are due an explanation of why you were given up for adoption. Martha is an epileptic and has been since her early teen years. She was neither physically nor mentally able to care for a child. In her unassuming ways she wanted most of all to have a child, to give it love and nurturing, not realizing the responsibility that comes with motherhood. She thought she was doing the right thing when she conceived you, yet as the realities began to hit that she could in no way take care of you, she was advised by knowledgeable social workers that in your best interest, the wisest decision was to give you a mother who could help you through your growing years.
Second, your uncle John and I had wanted to adopt you ourselves, though the same counselors explained that you would be too close to Martha, which would cause an altogether different set of dynamics that would be unhealthy for everyone. They explained that in both of your best interests, you and she needed a clean break. It broke my heart to see you and have to let you go. Your grandparents were also not a good match for adopting you, only because of their age.
Third, the day you were born, I was there in the delivery room with Martha to help her focus. She couldn’t have any drugs because of her epilepsy and also because they wanted her awake in case she began to have a seizure. I watched you come out and saw you, in all your beauty, through my teary eyes. I was so happy for Martha that she finally was able to be a part of something she considered “normal.” Yet, I was so sad for her because she had no real choice. They weren’t supposed to bring you into the room because you were being adopted, yet someone made a mistake (or maybe not!) and brought you in and laid you in her arms. This was the moment Martha had lived for – to hold her child in her arms. Now teary-eyed from the sadness of giving you up, a smile of unconditional motherly love and pride came over her face as she watched you. If life ended now, she had lived to see her greatest wish come true. You are surely one of Martha’s purposes in life – it was obvious to me in that moment!
When you are ready for the rest of the story, hopefully we will be here for you. We do not want to intrude on your life – it’s still your choice.
Email us at: possibility@thefreesite.com