Greed Doesn't Necessarily Look A Certain Way

I was fixing oatmeal for myself this morning before heading off to work when I glanced up at the carving of The Last Supper on my wall. The carving was a Christmas present several years ago from my godmother. It is quite beautiful and if I were going to choose one for myself, this truly was the one. For those of you who are not Catholic as my family is mostly given to be, let me mention that everyone in our family has some sort of image of The Last Supper, either bought or hand painted, on display in either their kitchen or dining room. Mine is approximately seven inches high, twelve inches wide, and intricately relief-carved and stained with warm earth tone colors. I began to cherish it as soon as my eyes viewed it when it when I first unwrapped it. It was indeed made to be on my wall. But, in every Last Supper reproduction, there sits Judas, with his back to all, clinching his pouch filled with coins. That thought of Judas' betrayal and greed is what is prompting me to express these thoughts now.

I had vowed to myself not to tell this to anyone. I was so angry with myself for letting it happen. I'm quite aware that any judgment someone might put upon me after I reveal this incident wouldn't come close to the judgment I had been proclaiming onto myself at the time. I had been "taken", and the shock of it all had now set in. This was too shameful for me to ever mention to anyone, not even to my closest friends. I was reputed to be smarter than this. What happened? I had been duped, conned, swindled, deceived. Get the picture! And that's all I'm going to say on that. I don't intend to go into the details of it all, but what I will explain is the feeling it leaves one with when some of humanity finds materialistic needs to be greater than humanity itself. What lesson was I to learn from this?

I have, in the past, considered myself to be self-sufficient with regard to money. My definition of this being: not in debt (except for car and rent payments), keeping up with current bills, while having enough left over for fun. When money did get tight, from time to time in the past, I managed to find a way to earn extra on a temporary basis. When my former husband, "J.C.", passed away a couple of years ago, I noticed a shift in not all, but a few friends at the time of his passing based on their material needs. Two of these friends came calling and what transpired was something I would not have predicted in my wildest dreams. One individual insisted that J.C. had verbally bequeathed an object of value to him but forgot to put it in his Will.

That's when I saw his true colors. The object in question was of special value to me as well, because J.C. had made it for me and gave it to me. Also, J.C. and I engaged in a conversation about it and it's value just a few days prior to his passing on. That's how I knew this man was not telling the truth. But this man didn't know about our conversation, so I truly caught him in that lie. If you knew my former husband, you would know that he would never make something for someone and then promise it to someone else. It just didn't happen. If you liked something he made for me, he would make one for you as well. That's how it worked. But J.C. wasn't able to do any metal work after he became ill, and a second one was never made. It broke my heart to see it go, because of the love that was attached to it for me. It wouldn't serve a purpose to fight over it, or for me to insist that the friend was a liar. I let him take it and said no more about it. If he were a wiser man though as J.C. was, he would have asked to borrow it to have one made for himself, then return the original to me. He wasn't and he didn't. I cried a little that evening for both the lost loved object and the lost loved friend.

There was another incident with a different person, but upon rewriting this, I decided to let out the details because it would be too evident who this person was and I'm not about causing his embarrassment, but greed had gotten to him also and was indeed his master. Not all of J.C.'s friends were this way, just two of them. They were easy to recognize now. They stood out in all their greed just like Judas in the picture.

The worst incident of greed by far, that I have experienced, was an individual I met a couple of years ago who didn't appear to be greedy by any view. He showed what I thought to be a genuine interest in me, not my portfolio. He appeared kind, gentle, caring, concerned; those qualities you hope to find in someone special. How blind I was then. He slowly took his time creeping into my life, and then began weaving his web of deceit in such a slow and sweet way, that I hadn't seen it coming. He was a pro, and I the amateur. Small wonder, I have had some problems trusting men these days! I'm now financially drained and I've lost it all to my own ignorance. I'm well aware of this, which is why I'm not pursuing any legal action. I have no one else to blame but myself. Had I been wiser, I might have seen it coming. I need to start to build my financial security once more. I know it will take more time now than before. I've practiced a more conservative life style in the past so I can do it again. I won't be able to help anyone else financially for a while if needed, and that's what really "ticks me off." For myself, well, I can tighten the belt some. There have been times when I've helped others in far greater need than me and I won't be able to be so easily of service. What I did or didn't do is going to greatly effect them also now. My anger is with myself and still resides. It's not going to get resolved in my mind so easily. It still weighs heavy. There's a good chance that I'm not quite over this one yet, wouldn't you say!

So what was the lesson I needed to learn here? How materialistic have I been without seeing it in myself? Do I need to recognize the hold that materialism has had on me in the past and rethink how I choose to react to materialism? What was I seeing in him, that was also present in me? How much weight had I put on materialistic things? Well, I would have to say I do like material things, especially those relating to art, nature, music, etc. Maybe I've been too attached to them at times and attaching too much meaning to them. Maybe I haven't overstepped the line yet, though; the line, in which the object becomes more important than someone or someone's feelings? Maybe I was to learn this lesson before I caused someone needless hurt? Maybe one of my treasured possessions is about to be broken by a friend. Then, when this happens, I'll know what to do straight off, and which is truly the treasured possession. I'll recognize that our friendship is of a greater treasure to me than the object in question. O.K., I guess I'm ready God ... but please don't make it my ......... oops!