Sometime in our life, we all must at least once come face to face with the Dragon Lady. We certainly don’t ask for a meeting – but we get it none-the-less – and if we fail, we live to fight her another day. This wasn’t the first time for me, yet why did I need to face her again and why now? Only five minutes earlier, I walked into her room bearing gifts. I never saw it coming. I had seen her the night before and she was upset then. Her anger, her upset, her torment, it was all about her – not me, yet I had hoped the gift would help, but its pleasantness lasted a short five minutes.
She had retuned home for a visit after years of absence and expected to see a world she once knew – not so. Friends had changed -- evolved into new entities – barley recognizable to her. All those landmarks that she carried in her thoughts over the years, as she now turned a corner, were no longer there to mark an era and common ground. Her reality of what once was – was gone – she was facing the moment of knowing: “You can’t go home again!” She was seeing her own mortality as well. Like most, she didn’t allow herself to entertain those thoughts -- maybe someday, later. Today, the universe was laying it all out for her to see and it delivered it right to her “front door.”
Her frustrations and uncertainties mounted until she could no longer hold them in. With all the power of her words, she hurled them toward me. You see -- I wasn’t who she had wanted me to be either. Alas though, I was the only one within her reach. She roared, she shouted more words with a fire that could have melted my very essence in a past time, yet I stood there, now, my armor intact.
She must have been holding onto those words and letting them fester and boil for years; never releasing them to the presence of forgiveness. Now with all her might, she kept projecting them out relentlessly toward me from the depths of her being.
It was as if, in time, she thought her anger could transform who I knew myself to be. Could she actually think by attacking me with her words that she could force me to become the person she thought I should be? Even when she called me a liar, it didn’t turn me into one – it was only her limited knowledge of a situation that brought her to perceive me to be a liar she wanted me to be – not reality.
I was so close I could have slain her -- but that was never my intent. In the past, I might have tried to take up my sword of words in my defense, but that was then. What did I need to defend myself against her now? Her words? Words could only hurt me if I gave them the power to do so. My vision has gotten sharper. So I see -- I have grown -- and now I have the power.
My armor is tempered with forgiveness. I am at a time in my life where I can separate someone’s frustrations of their situation and their frustrations with me from who I really am and what is really happening. I tried to calm her but she was determined to let me have the full blast of her anger. I could see it was for me to listen to all the anger coming from within her depths without taking it personally or executing a knee-jerk mirror reaction. Though that was my defense in days gone by, today was to be my final test.
From within my being appeared a Light far stronger than any man-made armor, to shield me even more from her attacks. It is so strong; her fierce flames could not penetrate its protection. I stood there, calmly. Since I could not convenience her to calm down, I felt the need to remove myself from the situation – I wasn’t helping – so I needed to take my leave. I needed to be good to myself. It wasn’t as hard as it once seemed. I quietly turned and walked away with my back toward the Dragon Lady – now realizing that nothing she could say or do could ever hurt me again. I won a victory not needing to be claimed!
Maybe I got a little singed today but I’ll recover. I’ve already forgiven her for what she said of me as well as what she implied. It was the words of a kid from her past years. To see the God within her, I needed to address the teenager she was being in the moment. As I saw that spoiled teen, I found the compassion I needed for her that day. It’s past now. Will I go near her again? I think not. It would be like petting an alligator, only to have him snap off you right hand, and then to pet him again with your left. Do you really think he won’t bite? It’s the nature of the beast. Well, I’d like to think that I’m learning from my experiences, yet what have I learned this time? Maybe I’ve learned a little more compassion, not to judge, and definitely to walk over and stand in the place where someone else is standing.
Her world has been turned around. A reality that was familiar to her is gone. In an instance she beings seeing a new realization, and it’s not much better than the one before. She tells herself that she has nothing to hold on to – if only she could see – she has herself and she her connection to the Universe. We are never alone – aloneness is only an illusion we conger up with our ego when we forget how to presence our connection to the Oneness who created us all. She hasn’t reached that level yet where you learn that everything you need is to be found inside you. She is still looking outside herself. The pain of the erosion of her material world has a hold on her and is choking the essence of her life with every breath she takes.
I felt sorry for her pain. In a sincere feeling of helplessness, all I could do was to send her healing energy; that -- and walk away. I know now, one who knows who they truly are does not come to visit with venom in their words. It was never really about fighting her and conquering her – but about wrestling the dragon within myself and transforming that fire-breathing beast into a dragon with the smile of a newborn Buddha.