The Spirit has only now shown herself to me as a woman of fair skin, dressed in a somewhat Indian garb. When I speak her name, Cocurrae (Cho-Koo-Ray), a vibration sounds that would appear to describe her very essence. She is a warm being, overflowing with life, love, and the whisper of all things possible. She came to me in a second dream.
The first dream was of my quest to find what God had chosen for me to accomplish in this my lifetime. Where would He lead me? I asked Him to take me to the first person He wanted me to help. To my amazement, He led me on an extensive journey back into myself. The atmosphere was of a higher level than I had ever known. It chilled me with joy to witness this new emotion, as my body lay there trembling. Here I was, searching deep into my soul to discover what I truly needed. What had I deprived myself of accomplishing before now? I found myself mentally pleading with God to give me rebirth and to take away all the judgment I had kept within myself. I further pleaded with Him to give me the ability to experience the innocence of a little child once more.
As I lay there, I felt the tears of joy ever so slowly meandering down my face, carrying with them a serge of those releases. Once more, I made another plea and beseeched God to release me of my lack of forgiveness toward others and myself. Then, as He so answered my prayer, this burden also flowed from within my being, and again manifested itself as tears, releasing itself from my soul to rest upon my tangible body. And again, evaporated as before without forewarning to join the essence of what is known as atmosphere. Once it had evaporated, I could feel only insignificant traces of the crystal salt on my flesh, which I later washed away entirely with soap and water.
At this point, the light of my soul altered its hues several times, while releasing all that held me blocked in an existence of puppetry for so much of my life. A child's innocence engulfs trust, forgiveness, and unconditional love, long before the dogma of mortal man is thrust into the child's mind and soul, to burden their Spirit down into a mundane life. Now, I prayed once more for God to give these same feelings of renewal to one who is found within my thoughts and doesn't leave my heart. I talked to God and asked Him to give my love this same rebirth; hoping my love could then experience the lightness found in the freedom of being born again to the newness of the Universe. It was my hope that my love might then be able to open up and give his trust, forgiveness, and love to those in his life whom he holds close to his own heart. For it was this thought, that if I could not be a part of his life, I could at the very least, give a part of my life to him, and reveal to him the joy I have experienced. Dear God, let me at least share this sweet ecstasy with him if nothing more is meant to be, I prayed.
I know this joy within me is all too great to hold inside and keep unto myself. Joy, I sense, is not meant to be hoarded. I know this also, for if I were to attempt to hold it as my own, it surely would whither and die within my very grasp. Only in the sharing of something so wonderful could it continue to flourish and expand. It is my wish that my love might know and feel this total ecstasy; to reach this higher level that does exist for anyone who seeks it out within themselves. In this very moment, I can truly feel the deepest awareness of this new birth. How many people uncover their chance to truly start anew within their lifetime? While it's there, some may not think to seek it out for themselves. They do not challenge themselves to discover the unknown that is out there in the Universe as well as within them. They settle for some kind of contentment and feel secure in the knowledge that they think they are living to their fullest potential; and so they do live up to that level only. What could happen if they would stretch their limits and go beyond what they know not, into all that is possible in the Universe? From this day forward, let my prayers include those who require the slightest push into the direction of their endless possibilities; and then beyond what mankind already knows to exist. When all these possibilities are unearthed, the truth we now accept will again be transformed into a broader truth by which we will live out our futures.
As I slowly came back from this experience, I set my Soul and Spirit to rest for a short while back into my all so earthly body. This experience left my flesh shaking from the thrills and joy of something I didn't before know could be possible for me to experience. I lay there, motionless, yet every essence of my body was trembling from this newest venture. As the shivering began to cease, a calm slowly moved in to take its place. While I lay passively on the bed, my heartbeat slowly quieted itself to the point that I nearly could not feel the proof of my own human existence. As I continued to let my body rest, essence of life, love and possibility surrounded and engulfed me in a warm blanket of protection. Not again in my lifetime could I knowingly continue to let any part of myself be blocked from experiencing life to all its fullest potential.
My thoughts had now begun to hint to me that I had lingered long enough. I desired to travel once again. As with an addiction, the exhilaration of this experience left me desirous for more. After getting my first modest taste of this fresh knowledge, I was ready to journey to the outer limits of my unknown, and master the mysteries yet to be thought of, or expressed by mere words. My heart began again to rush at just the thought of it all. The excitement of new discoveries to come was racing in my blood, flowing my body once again with an overture of joy.
It was time now. I closed my eyelids and relaxed my body to a calm, simulating the pose of death, and meditated. In the quiet, a light began to radiate slowly around me, engulfing my spirit, soul, and mind into its' arms. This experience, I could already feel, was to be totally different. As I drifted off, a fluttering sound, resembling the vibration of a helicopter blade revving upon liftoff, began to encompass my heartbeat. I heard no other sound except this flutter. Yet again, the very tone of this haunting sound was one more new experience for me. Too loud to be that of my own heartbeat, but what was it? In that very instant it again transformed itself and no longer sounded like that helicopter blade. This time it resounded more like a beating -- the beating of my Soul and Spirit. It is that beat, yes! My Spirit has a beat! The sound of my spirit's beating resembled that of my own heartbeat rhythm yet did not come close to resembling those mere sound waves. Its' own sound was much deeper and stronger. A sound and a beat that could not be stilled or die as the human heart eventually does. I found myself now breathing with the Universe. Is this what they mean when they say "being at one with the Universe?"
This experience of the beat of my soul lasted just long enough for me to know the meaning, and then, as quickly as the beat had changed from the helicopter sound to that of my Soul and Spirit, it now began one more metamorphous. This time it beat as the slow, musical rhythm of a deep-sounding drum. As it traveled it settled and began to resonate, taking me within the valley of the Desert Mountains. It continued to resemble the sound of an Indian drum, beating a chant totally unheard of by me before, but strangely not unknown to me in some time past.
How could this be? If I did not hear the sound before, then how could I know it? Did I know it as someone else? Is there really such a thing as reincarnation? Is this what manifests when you visit previous lives? Who is this I see? It's me. But it's not me! Not the me that I have known during the years I have walked this earth. At first I thought the woman Spirit standing in my glow was someone from the living past. To my surprise, I somehow instinctively realized that she is a Spirit that had been awaiting her own birth. She existed for so long within the Universe as the essence of particles of past lives. From molecules of ancient mortality that existed to be the stepping-stones for this one Spirit -- that would in this right time manifest herself. I can sense without one word being spoken that she is a good and gentle Spirit.
She has now been given her birth to begin her quest. Is her quest and mine one and the same? Is she to guide me, or is my body here to allow her to walk the earth to fulfill her own quest? Why do I feel, again without one spoken word, that it is both of these. Like me, she is made up of many nationalities, and being a Spirit from and with God, she is guided in the loving, caring, logical ways that guide both man and woman. There exists the essence of both masculinity and femininity within her Spirit and the combination of both working together gives a light to her Spirit not known until now at this the time of her birth.
She is the one that will unite the Universe. For in her, everyone shall find a part of their own being and heritage. This is our quest together. We will walk together, one with the other, guided through a journey of love, life and possibilities. She lifts me up to all new heights. With her, I experience the very essence of life. I have no fear, for my earthly life has now ceased to be the greater importance to me. I will walk with her and we will continue on our journey. Our journey, as I look upon it now, glows from the radiant colors of our soul spirits. I have found a secure place within the Universe from which I will not take my leave. Everything about me glows with the presence of her spirit. Everything I gaze upon has new meaning and my eyes see it all for the first time in new ways -- new ways renewed with life's flowing juices. The entire Universe is new and refreshing now. I am ready, ready to experience whatever unfolds to me, and then to pass on what I have learned to those who are open to take it in to themselves. For if I learn and do not pass this knowledge on to others, it would be like the seed sown that fell by the roadside to die. This knowledge that passes through me must be shared for our journey to have known its purpose. Again, without a spoken word, she has shown to me that she is a balanced spirit, both positive and negative. She possesses the strengths and weaknesses found in both man and woman. We continue on, walking along a desert path, where in the distance, the mountains reach to the heavens.
From every human who had the thought that he was better than his brother, grew this need to gather the love and humbleness of every non-discriminating creature who ever walked the earth, and manifest this beauty who now walks within me. By myself, there seemed to be no great measure of importance to my existence. Now, the importance has become much greater as I realize my destiny could very well be to be the keeper of her soul. As she whispers her thoughts into mine, it becomes obvious that mortal mans' attempts to destroy my Indian brothers and sisters, as well as other contributing civilizations, were to be crushed underfoot that very second they were but a thought. Since that instance, the seed of her spirit was conceived and has been nourished continuously by each of our ancestors who saw not our brothers' differences, but acknowledged through the love of all our brothers, the greatness found in all of our similarities. As with the presence of each negative thought there thrives a positive one to keep balance within the Universe. Thus is this so one of the Universal Laws.
She has been protected by her brothers and sisters, while maturing in the silence, in order to allow her strength to develop beyond the point of destruction. In the quiet shall it be known that good does yet prevail and will rise up over evil. We need not shout it or force her ways on anyone. The good who cross her path will know instantly her majestic purpose and she will stand from this day forward -- unwavering -- to guide the faithful, loving, and caring souls along their journey. The time for her to take her place among the other spirits is nearer than farther now. Were all the other spirits born as she was; and, only history was the witness to their birth? Or, did they come into being all at once when the Universe was born for purposes only known to the One above us all?
How foolish I was to think that everything there was for man to learn had been revealed long before I began my journey on this earth. She has given so much to me, in thought, in this short length of time that we have been together now. What awaits for me in times to come? How long will she remain with me? I think perhaps 'till my time on earth has ended. This worries me not. Through and with her presence, all fears are lifted from my being. I have not known a feeling such as this that captures me now. Are there words to give an earthly definition to this feeling? How odd to bestow this feeling on someone who has been known to be so judgmental as I. Yet I did not know the measure of what existed within me until I had the mortal imprint lifted from my past and present mind.
How foolish again was I to think that I was above it all! Was it because I could recognize the more intense level of the same within my brothers and sisters that I ignored the lesser, but still severe, measure of the same within me? Now, when judgment demands an entry into my being, will I see it coming and shake it off immediately? No time for judgment now as it would waste my energies. Like a shepherd with his flock, I must constantly be gathering my energy as it starts to flow toward a negative force and only let it graze within positive pastures. And when it's disbursed, it should not be wasted in such a way as an animal is, when slaughtered for sport, but rather as food to nourish and regenerate growth.
I realize now that before my Spirit joined me, there was a time when the Universe began unfolding lessons I needed to learn in preparation for what was to come. One lesson that comes to mind was the awakening of who I was. I know now that I am the possibility of possibilities. This awakening was revealed through a series of lectures that sparked my mind toward searching once again; searching for the unknown. At what point I stopped searching I cannot remember, but once the pendulum stopped it needed this special shove to get it moving back on track. Initially it was constantly swinging to the two extremes: first, swaying all the way positive, then all the way negative. The turmoil was intense, and the more intense I became, the more it shifted between the greater lengths. It was not obvious to me at the time what was happening because I was so caught up in the turmoil. I could not step outside myself to observe what was happening.
It was my friend, Anne, who said it quite clearly one day when she stopped me in mid-conversation and pantomimed out the picture of my swaying. She took her pen and held it still, straight up and down. Then, when it had stopped all movement, she began to make the gesture of the pendulum swinging from one grand extreme to the other. The swift movement did indeed so resemble how I felt inwardly that I stood in shock to see my emotions mimicked so precisely. As she slowly brought the pen into the control field of center stage, I could feel the movement of my emotions toward this same center of balance. For what seemed to me to be the first time in my life, I was experiencing a feeling of what resembled balance. Surely I had known this feeling once? It must have been long ago, before repeated daily patterns set my current way of living.
In an instant, it became obvious to me that this feeling of balance would take much time and practice to establish it within my being once more on a more consistent basis. For right now, it only lasted for that moment she held the pen motionless. When my lesson was over, turmoil took its hold on me once more and frustration flowed out from within. Anne was one of those special people sent my way to help me learn my many lessons of life. And like those people, they remain in your life only long enough for the lesson to be learned, and then they move on.
My parents also taught me many lessons. They taught me a way of being and not of just doing. Living life to its' fullest was a lesson my father taught through his examples he set on a daily basis. This was something I thought everyone learned in an early age, like walking and talking. I now cherish the privilege of this awareness of living that I took for granted years ago. The blessings I have received from viewing life in this manor would be too numerous to mention. More numerous than all the stars in the heavens one can view at a glimpse.
It wasn't until recently that I recognized that destiny has led me also toward other certain people in my life. When this thought awakened within me, I began to view each of these lessons as steps I am to take while climbing life's ladder. It once frustrated me to experience the climb up the ladder, only to take a step or two back down the rung. I realized soon that the purpose was for grounding the ladder once again without crashing it to the ground with me on it. Then I began to view each person I had helped, or who had helped me, along my way, as the steps to my ladder. Sometimes they would appear to advance while I stood still. In fact, I later discovered that I was taking a step back down to get a steady footing once more, and to hold the ladder for them to advance to their higher level. In helping those along my path to achieve a step toward their goals, there was then laid a stronger rung for my next move upward. Now when I need to take a step back down the ladder, I do not see it as a failure, but for the purpose of helping someone along and strengthening myself at the same time.
It is truly amazing how ones' attitude can change through a change in ones' perception. When I come to a block in this maze of life, retreating and observing the situation from a different angle tends to clarify the real problem and dispel the needless, distracting factors. All other unnecessary issues fall by the wayside, and the pieces of the puzzle are put into place much sooner this way. Maneuvering along the ladders' rungs has now become a way of life and not the roadblock I was visualizing it once to be. This is another of life's lessons that I now view as necessary to guide me with my Spirit.
I shall rest till morning, for writing my thoughts down has now become a feverish task for me. These thoughts are racing through my mind faster than I can put them to pen and paper. I tried to put them down before, but nothing seemed to connect. Each was a piece to a puzzle but I could not focus on the total picture. Now that I have the picture, the pieces will all come together and I can assemble them collectively as they are presented to me.
One of the truly amazing aspects of all of this is how, since my birth or maybe even probably before then, all of my life's experiences were to create these tiny pebbles of my existence that formed the path to my destiny. This path I am now walking along is so very dense with these experiences, yet narrow enough for my footsteps alone. The pebbles are embedded in such a way to produce a strength that will preserve the indestructible path long, after I am gone. I must let my teachers into my soul, to teach me more of what I need to know.
It would appear that the years during my first marriage were for fulfilling all those material needs that a woman might be expected to complete while traveling this earth. I became a loving wife and working mother of two cherished children. That road of the material being, sheltered me while at the same time, I was being provided with some of the pebbles (lessons) for my second journey on this earth. To all who encountered me, by appearance, I blended in with this manuscript of the material world. Even then though, there was a restlessness within me to struggle free from the chains that bound me to things I knew in my heart I could not always agree with, nor do.
The business world made my pendulum constantly unsteady as it jerked me between my willingness to share knowledge gained from others and the greediness of those who profit by it without the slightest hope of it being redistributed. They could not even acknowledge the obvious truth that they had learned it, but instead they blindly created the thought and planted the seed in their own minds that what they gained in knowledge (not wisdom), was gained solely on their own. The wise man is the one who knows that nothing is accomplished alone. For it is only with God that all things are accomplished and God works these accomplishments through all of mankind. As my Spirit uses my flesh to project a common way of providing life's lessons, so does God. For God is a part of my Spirit also and she a part of Him. And as she is both masculine and feminine in being, is not so the God of us all?
At the Cave
Now, as we begin to walk into this den of darkness, with each step we take toward advancing deeper within, the blackness fades and the room begins to come alive with the warmth of our glow. Such a beauty we are witnessing in this the transformation of a dark and damp cavity into a warm and gracious dwelling. The gentle radiance illuminating from our spirit, began breathing life into what was once a site of lifelessness. As the light expands, it unfolded the beauty of the floor beneath us and reveals a structure underfoot of tawny agate embossed with feathery green moss. So smooth is its' surface with this intricate leaf detail. Nature had preserved it in such a way that it could not dull nor erode away.
As the walls of the cave gradually light up, natural formed shelves imbedded in its' surface are now revealed. They are stepped in intervals as tabernacles for treasures to rest upon, and for candles to be displayed to touch and warm the hearts of all who will, in time, enter within. There seems to be an ever so small break at the top of the grotto that, while it cannot truly be clearly seen, is large enough for the slightest rays of the sun to filter thorough and flow down with warmth from above. It's difficult to declare where the beam of sunlight ends and the glow from our Spirit begins. Then again, the sun is our Father, hers and mine. So then, with this same thought in mind -- were does the parent end and the child begin?
The grotto overlooks a vast and hidden valley within the mountains of the great Grand Canyon. These majestic surroundings serve as a reminder of my insignificance in proportion to the Universe in which we live. Until today, my Spirit has been but a thought of this Universe for what seemed then like an eternity. Her essence was waiting for the right moment to take formation. When she walks within and with me, I feel a peace not ever experienced in my thoughts before today, and unquestionably one I find extremely difficult to put into mere synthetic words. I have at no time past known myself to walk the earth this effortlessly. All the past burdens, laid upon me by myself and others within my lifetime, were lifted out of my soul the instance she was born. When she slumbers and I spend my time in worldly ways alone, all that I now look upon I not only see with these mortal eyes, but with the vibrations that are felt within my heart and being.
I can sense the color blue in the sky, and I experience the movement of the clouds as they travel the blue. To know the feeling of the smallest bit of fluff on the wings of a feathered creature, and the touch of the wind on the wisp of its wings, giving special flight to my very being. When I watch the river, with the sunlight glowing overhead, I can feel the warmth in the glistening of the glowing, smooth waves as the air brushes over them. When I fix my eyes upon a piece of glass, I sense the cool, smooth, solid strength of denseness unknown to the bird creature that glides in weightlessness. Have you ever felt the weight of a pillar that sustains a structure? It has strength to bear its share of the weight from above. Yet, at the same time, it gives support to all it comes in contact with, it does not crush that which stands beneath it. Could there be any greater feeling than that of being at one with an entity or being?
When my Spirit speaks to me, her lips need not move. She has only to send her thoughts to me. When I receive them, they are far more clear than the words of conversation ever were among those of us who walk this earth. Her lips have moved though. They turn up and form a smile toward me that whispers of all her being. She is ever so gentle and her calm moves me into it. This blissfulness I feel is so overwhelming, that it in turn causes joyous tears to once again peacefully trickled down my cheeks, then lift off my face and evaporate into the air of the Universe. Once more I am granted the ability to feel the allure of every instance within the essence of each movement.
I understand the reason for her to be born to the Universe at this time. And while the reason was always present, it wasn't necessary for me to know that it was there before this day. You see, it took a long time for her seed to pattern itself and evolve since it was sown on that first day that the first human conceived the thought of being better than another. As a result of that moment, there became a purpose for her to manifest into existence, and that purpose generated the origin of her being. Upon the first encounter with my new cohort, I was already anticipating the experience of a second rendezvous. This quickly put the hopeful thoughts of learning more from her back into my being.
As another day began, I found myself regressing back to using old material thoughts to communicate with my Spirit friend once more. I thought that if I recreated how she came to me at first, that she would show a second time in the same manner. This is such a material thought, is it not? I need to leave old patterns behind in our quest through our destiny. When I tried so earnestly to recreate the atmosphere that first brought her to me -- nothing transpired. And all I captured was the feeling of frustration. I prayed she had not taken her final leave from me this soon. What had happened? Where did she go? Would I ever see her again?
Another day passes and the very next time I laid down to rest, her thoughts guided me to a school not of my choosing. It appeared that nothing of importance was being taught here at this school. I found myself out of place here. That's when she lead me to realize that the old established school of knowledge and thought was not for me, and would not serve my new needs. She showed me that my future lessons would be gotten elsewhere. I have barely slept this night but I do not feel tired for lack of sleep. Instead I feel rejuvenated with this high of Spirit. Nor do I now feel any need for restlessness, waiting for the next step to be revealed. I know the feeling of patience and that in the right time, all will be revealed. I only need to be patient and relax to enjoy the moments I have ahead. Again, it's in the being, not the doing that higher things might sometimes be accomplished. And again, it's in the journey, not the destination that we find our success known as happiness and joy.
